FUUUUUUUCK

Yep, that's about it.

Worst witness *evar*

So, I'd left a press conference and was on my way to Target yesterday afternoon, fully immersed in a world of gangsta rap (Thank you, Office Space soundtrack), and waiting for a break in traffic so I could turn left from the street into the store parking lot. And then, as Ice Cube rapped about carjackings, it happened.

A semi was coming the other direction, and was taking a right into the parking lot. And then ... the traffic lights heaved up before sagging down to their earlier position. Holy shit. The semi had hit the pole, and for a second, I wondered if it was all going to come crashing down on me.

It didn't. Yay.

The truck driver hesitated for a second before continuing on to make his delivery to Kroger. I carefully made my left turn into the lot, chatted with a fellow witness, and followed her into Target, where we told a store manager what had happened. Only ... once he confirmed it wasn't a Target truck and that the incident had happened on city property, he really didn't give a damn about the gigantor dent left in the potentially fragile pole. Ooops.

So, yeah, if you are committing a crime, it is totally no problem to have me around. I will never be able to identify you in a lineup and I will wait forever to call the police. You're welcome.

Not hating, just saying

Hee.

In other news, the cat bit the dog today. And even though he could probably fit her entire head in his mouth, no problem, he just sat there, staring straight ahead. He is the Gandhi of the canine world.

Also, I had B.O.

The scene: Monday night, mid-council meeting. I'm waiting for a TV reporter to finish interviewing a city department director, so I can have my turn. He finishes, and it's go-time for your intrepid girl reporter. The director starts by embracing me around my waist. [Side note -- I have had untold numbers of sources, man and woman alike, hug me. Am I being too nice to them? Is it because of my wee stature? Luckily, I don't mind hugs, but still. Weird. Almost as weird as the time I accidentally exchanged a high-five with a school superintendent.] He's standing really close to me, like, leaning in, and I am forced to admit to him that I have dragon breath after sucking down, like, a pot of coffee during the day. Crud. And then at the end, he goes for the handshake, and I have to apologize to him because my hands are covered in cold, slick sweat.

Wow. No wonder people wanna give me a hug. What's not to love about stinky breath and clammy hands?

OHIO STATE!!!

The Dangers of Being a Television News Reporter, via Gawker.

Police report of the week

This time, there are two winners:

Police officers were dispatched to a grocery store in the 1600 block of [Redacted] Road at about 5:20 p.m. April 5 on the report of a drunk man urinating inside the business. Officers arrived and found the man inside the store's loss prevention office, where he was taken, according to a witness, after he was found urinating on bread, ruining more than $200 worth of the foodstuff. The suspect was arrested by police, charged with public urination and transported to jail.

A 24-year old man in the 1600 block of [Redacted] Avenue told police that someone shot out one of his apartment windows April 4. In addition to the $350 in damage to the window, the man reported injury to his mini-blinds, worth $100, and to a painting of Martin Luther King, Jr., worth $250. [Note -- this happened on the anniversary of MLK's assassination. Bizarre, no?]

Fuck you, Skybus!!

I was fortunate enough to check my e-mail about 20 minutes ago, just in time to get the news that Skybus is shutting down at day's end. Awesome. Good thing Kyle and I weren't planning on, like, using it to attend his sister's wedding in New Orleans, right?

Oh, wait. We totally were.

So, 15 minutes -- and a tremendous spike in my blood pressure -- later, I've booked new tickets. God love ya, Priceline. The new tickets are pricier -- $204 apiece, instead of $80 -- but at least we won't have to rent a car this way, so we're not so much in the hole. I just pity the poor souls due to fly tomorrow -- or my fellow passengers who actually have social lives. Gooooo me being lame!

Underwire bras = evil

The Teet and I were just having a conversation the evils of underwire bras, like, yesterday. And then I read this today. Yikes.

More conversation on the hateful bra here.