Oh. Shit.

So, Kyle has what I had earlier in the month -- the "death flu," as he's taken to calling it. Last night, I stayed up with him 'till 4 a.m., rubbing his shoulders and listening to him moan about achy bones and such. It was no biggie, after all, I worked 13.5 hours that day and was still revved up from a late-night council meeting. That, and wide awake after looking up scary nutritional info on some of my fast-food choices. Like, those small onion rings at Burger King? They're a relatively not-so-terrible 140 calories. That "zesty sauce" offered by the employee at the window to go with said onion rings? Uh, that was 150 calories. Shit. But I digress.

Anyway, my plan after that late night was to sleep late today. That didn't quite work out as planned. I woke up around 9 a.m., rolled over, and ... sniffed. I smelled something that smelled suspiciously like cat poop. And then I turned my head a little bit more and saw it. It looked like a Twix bar. But it was not a delicious chocolatey treat. The cat had shat on our white, 700-thread-count sheets just inches from my face. Shit. Shit. Shit.

So, I hauled myself out of the bed, pried the (thankfully) solid poo off the fabric, stripped the bed, remade it and went back to sleep for a couple of hours. I lazed around after that and stayed in bed until past noon. I needed to haul my carcass out of bed for a scheduled lunch meeting, and just as I was about to leave, I noticed it. The cat had vomited -- twice! -- on my nice vintage couch. SHIT. And we were out of paper towels. And all but a drizzle of pet stain remover. I sprayed what I could and used some Jersey Mike's napkins stashed in a kitchen drawer to do what I could before I left for the lunch. Lunch was good -- happily, it involved no shit- or vomit-related incidents.

Later, there was a meeting, more Kyle-related care-taking, some cabbage soup-eating, TV-watching and internet-surfing. Happily, there was no more shitting.

Oh, and an update: I just discovered that I destroyed my favorite brown pants yesterday when I accidentally left a permanent marker uncapped in my pocket. Sheeeeit.